so yesterday...

i throw it around so much...because i feel it bears repeating, chanting, singing...

perhaps it has grown familiar; but what other way can i express the way you make me feel?

i could smile when i see your face...

but i already do so innately.

i can give you a thousand hugs and kisses...

but those are directives my body follows involuntarily.

as individuals, we are mere specks floating through time;

but collectively, we are complete.

it weighs heavily; yet i am strong;

i drown in your enigmatic allure; yet i am thirsty.

the mystery that you are, and all its splendor, defines your complexities...

and that captivates me.

i want to learn more of your language when we follow each others rhythms.

i throw it around so much...because it bears repeating, chanting...

Conversations overheard @ Bella Cupcake Bistro...

She said...

He was standing there before me as if he had never left, as naturally as breathing; which, in that moment, I’d forgotten how to do. The face was slightly tarnished, yet somehow more beautiful; like an oxygenated statue, or the graphics on an old faded t-shirt. For more than a moment, we stood in awe of one another. He found words before I did; and the voice was the same as it had been ten years before. It had not weathered like the face....


"Wow...how are you? You look..."
He stopped short of a compliment, but his cheekbones were raised at attention, his head slightly tilted. When he smiled, the skin around his eyes smiled; too. I knew he was impressed with the sophisticated woman I'd come to be. I hoped my silence didn’t give the wrong impression. I just couldn't believe my eyes…

Though I said nothing, he seemed not the least bit offended. He continued to converse; as if silence was commonplace in his everyday conversations.

He didn't fit into this picture; but, conversely, was a cold steel skyscraper interrupting my sprawling water colored landscape. He had crawled out of some dead hole I had no desire to revisit.

I felt heat from the inside of my cheeks...I saw glares that weren't, heard whispers that originated from an internal shame that no one else in the small room could possibly know. I wanted nothing more, than to expunge this colossal Sears Tower hat had disrupted the serenity of my Water Lillie's masterpiece.

At last, I found my words. Hindsight being what it is; I wish I'd chosen them more carefully.

"What are you doing...here?" I said. It just kind of… came out, and I knew how bad it sounded. It was simply the truth; unraveling itself, in that peculiar way it has a tendency to.

He was silent a moment, his smile changed in a subtle way only one completely fixed upon it could have noticed.

I recalled the way he smiled at everything, some time ago; my tears, my joys, my contempt, and my lust for him. When he smiled, I was his sole source of admiration. That was, of course... until I wasn't any longer...

"What am I doing here?" he finally said. He looked perplexed.

He looked down at his crisp Dress Blue uniform. "Buying cupcakes." he huffed sarcastically, but his smile betrayed the tone of his voice. I really wished he’d quit grinning at me… laughing at me....

I wanted to crawl under the bistro table. Calm down. I tried to regain control of the conversation.
"Oh...well, I live here, was all I meant. I know its cupcakes, silly. Its just that you’re here, in Georgia, with me…I mean, not with me, of course, but you’re here... and I’m here... with my husband I mean… Yes, my husband and I,... my husband is...an attorney...we bought our home here in Buckhead last spring...so I guess you can say this is home for us now..."

I'd repeated myself past the point of redundancy. I heard my voice and wanted desperately to control the pitch. I was louder than I should have been. I sounded obnoxious, and I knew it. I couldn't help myself; he was standing there with that smirk, thinking about God only knows…I guess it gave me back my footing into adulthood- and out of this realm of past indiscretions- saying it...husband.

...So I said it one more time.
''My husband and I...we've been married six years."

He was completely unaffected; smiling even harder than before.

"Texas! Congratulations! Your all grown up now!" he said.

Did he seriously just call me Texas? All Grown Up...? The nerve! Had he thought me a child, back then?...surely not. Who did this asshole think he was? Whatever. I would conform to no box; yield to no road barriers. I am a respected woman in this community. A wife and mother. Where was the exit...from this man and these unwanted memories...

"Mrs. Jennings..your order is up!" the baker called. Thank God.

I turned to him once more, confident that I would be able to walk away from him this time.

"Well...it was...interesting to have seen you again. You take care, now." I said, as shortly as possible.

As I walked away, I could still feel his eyes on me, and I knew he understood. He had not had the best of me; after all.


He said...


I felt eyes on me. Don’t get me wrong; it isn’t that I'm not still capable of turning a purty young thang's head every now and again; but this broad was...gawking.

Maybe she's looking behind me. I thought . She made me uncomfortable in a foreign kind of way. I stared back; hoping to break her comatose expression, awaken her from her daze.

She blinked, cocked her head to the side. Still; she didn't turn away.

She knows me...
Think quick, where do you know this chic from? I drew blank after blank.

I should know her...
I felt warth settling in the pit of my stomach, this was potentially about to be an awkard encounter...

The look on her face, one of both awe and confusion; made me wonder just how well I knew this familiar stranger.

Dressed in loosely tailored, heather grey Tahari; there was little hope in appraising her assets underneath. She was too familiar in her gaze, so brazen it was impossible that our acquaintance was merely casual. The face wasn’t much to look at; and it seemed she’d gone out of her way to blend in. The type that wear Mrs. as badges of honor. not at all the type I used to step out with. I liked my playmates, well… more playful. Normally, I would never have looked twice at this stale woman glaring across the room at me.

But now that she had my attention…and I was intrigued, I guess.

So, I walked over to her. You know what they say…The best offense…

"Well, hey you!" I tried it on, see how it fit.
It was risky, but I figured, one can never go wrong with the good ole "hey you" in place of: “I can‘t remember who you are to save my own ass..”.

I hoped it was a mistake in identity, and the worst that would come of it was a quiet apology, and a quicker exit.

But still, she stood there... silent.

I tried again.

"Well...wow, you look..."
I wasn't sure how to finish. I could have said "great" or "wonderful," but that would have been a lie; as I could not rightfully say it was an improvement on any prior look. See, I didn't just forget her name. I simply didn't remember her… at all.

I was drowning in the awkward silence. I was just about to say forget the damned cupcakes and head out of there.

Just then; she broke her silence.

"What are you doing here?" She said.

Good question. What was I doing there? Buying $60 cupcakes for my neurotic wife who can't just go to the corner grocer and buy a pack of Duncan Heinz. Who the hell was this woman?

I had her voice now, but it lent nothing familiar to my ear... Except that she was very nervous. Why? Had I slept with this Plain Jane? Man...I should really lay off the Patron.

"What am I doing here?" I laughed. "Well, the same as you, I suppose. Buyin' overpriced baked goods."
I really hoped she would laugh. It is harder to mask a laugh; they almost never change.

No dice, so; I laughed for us both.

She looked both annoyed and embarrassed by the obvious oversight. Had she thought I was stalking her? Hell, if only I could remember her!

Just then, my luck changed! In her embarrassment; she'd started to ramble...I couldn't tell you what the hell she was talking about, her husband or something or another moved to Georgia...???

Now we were getting somewhere! She was unraveling like a very uninterestedly wrapped birthday gift. Her voice was cracking; and the pauses between words were longer than is natural. The more she rambled on; the more a distinct southwestern twang slipped from her city slicker tongue.

"Texas." I said aloud. I was proud of myself, I couldn't help grinning from ear to ear. Sherlock Holmes ain't got nothin' on me!

I started to feel myself, knowing I was seconds away from cracking this mystery. I congratulated her on her marriage, told her I was glad she'd grown up so. Strangest thing, I almost thought i had it wrong, she looked a bit put off.

When her order came up first, I started to breathe easy, knowing she was exiting without a "keep in touch" moment, or forcing me into some awkward "put me in your blackberry" scenario. Had that happened; any hope of walking away not looking like a complete douche bag, would have been lost.

I only wished I could have remembered her...

Then it happened...
She exited the small shop; strutted across the busy intersection. I watched in awe; as she took each step in her stilettos, each rounded cheek defied he other under her corporate business attire. Only one girl I knew possessed a behind so grand it would perform under this most restricting gear. Memories came rushing over me so intensely I could barely contain my childlike giddiness. My smile was no longer painted on; but permanently etched into my head, like those memories of that magnificent specimen perched atop the burnout hood of my old Honda. It sat as just as regally in the air as it had all those many years ago...

I wanted to call after her, run through the pink frosted glass double doors and yell her name… . I stood mesmerized by the way her posterior swayed and bounced in cadence… in the most beautifully familiar way!

Of course. …Nadine....

PART TWO: "Baby's Parent Etiquette"

Rule #2: Don't place your ex in a box. Or He'll never have room to grow...

Scenario B: Fife and Brian were a very young couple with a child. He was not a lot of help with their daughter, he was inconsistent with his income, often "in between" jobs. Most of the time he sat around, played the PS3, never helped with the potty training, never cleaned up after himself, or took the child on outings. Sadly, in this scenario, the mother was the bread winner, the homemaker, the quintessential single parent within a two parent household. By the child’s third birthday, she’d had enough.

When Brian moved out, however, he quickly moved on; moving in with another woman and her two children. He got a new job and stayed on that job consistently. He was regular with Fife’s child support and not only that, took care of his new girlfriends kids as well!

This put Fife in a fury she couldn't explain. She wanted to be happy that Brian had matured so quickly. But something inside her couldn't accept his new found paternal responsibility. The thing keeping her insides boiling every time she dropped their child off for weekends at his house with this new woman and her kids. What she wouldn't admit…was that she would rather Brian continued to be the predictable child she was accustomed to- than to see him become the man he never was with her...with someone else.

There is was. No matter how much he improved as a parent, Fife wanted Brian in that box she’d labeled "dead beat dad". If he wouldn't do right in their five year history, then he couldn't do right for this new woman, either.
She found moving on difficult. She would spend a great deal time on first dates talking about how badly her past relationship ended, and what a deadbeat her child's father was. When she didn't find relationship success as quickly as Brian, she became even more bitter. She decided to run a little interference. When Brian would come to drop off his daughter, she began coming to the door in her robe and underwear. When that did’t work; she became highly combative, even to the point of pettiness. She complained about the shoes he bought their daughter, that they were “too cheap, and maybe if he wasn't taking care of all those other kids, he could buy better quality clothes for his ACTUAL daughter." So, he stopped buying "extras", stuck to the court ordered child support.

The last straw came two years later; when she learned that he and his girlfriend were engaged, and expecting a child together. Fife called and asked Brian to come over “so they could talk about what that meant for the future of their daughter together“. Wanting to extend an olive branch; he went over to see her; alone, as she requested. He didn't come inside, she met him at his truck. They talked for a long time; and it seemed they were finally moving forward, and past the animosity. Fife was very emotional and used this moment to express why she was so mad all the time. She told him that she was hurt that he was such a bad father and boyfriend to her- yet he had moved on and became the “perfect man for this new woman“. She told him how hard it was for a single mother to find love again.

He was shocked. He explained that he was upset with himself when they'd broken up; and as a result, he’d vowed he’d become a better father. He said he never meant for her to think she wasn't good enough for him; but in actuality, he had not been man enough for her. He’d learned from his mistakes with her, and felt he was given a second chance at happiness with his fiance, whom he loved very much. This made Fife cry; and Brian embraced her. Things got heated quickly, and the next thing they both knew, clothes were off and the windows were foggy.
When it was over, Brian was very upset that he had lost control with Fife; knowing that he was going home to his pregnant fiancé. He apologized for hurting or misleading her. She smiled and told him she understood, that this was "the closure she needed to move on". He was relieved, though something in her tone made him question if she’d really meant that. Brian asked if he could go inside to freshen up. He left, and nothing of their little mishap was mentioned again....
Well, almost. The next week, Brian's fiancé went to pick up the dry cleaning in his truck. When she went to get the pick up receipt from the console, she found Fife’s black lace underwear, strategically placed on top for her to find.
Despite Fife’s efforts; Brian married his fiancé, anyway. After the truth about the incident was exposed; however, Brian never came to Fife’s home unaccompanied again. A bitter rivalry ensued between both women. At every "drop off", an all out brawl took place. It got so explosive, the police were often called to the residence. What had once been just tension was now outright warfare! The little one’s would watch as the parents behaved like children.
Brian's visits to his daughter became less and less frequent.

*How were both parties responsible for how things went array?
*Did Fife contribute, in any way, to how limited her child's time with her father became?
*Is Fife responsible for her own failed relationships after her breakup with Brian…?
*…Or is there really a double standard, when it comes to how single mothers are received in dating... versus single fathers?
*How does keeping Brain in a box, ultimately keep Fife in an even smaller one?
*Had Brian taken the time to sit down and explain his epiphany that led to his "new behavior", would it have helped Fife come around to the idea of his moving on sooner?
*How did Fife let her bitterness take over her life, and ultimately; negatively impact her own relationship with her daughter?
*How truthful was Brian about why he was such a better partner with the new woman? Do you believe he truly, "learned his lesson", or was that the convenient answer for his ex crying before him? Do you know any men/women who did a 360 degree turn after a relationship ended? What explanation did they give for it?



It is always refreshing to see our children benefit from cohesive relationships between the biological parents, even after the relationship has ended.

The underlying message in both scenarios is respect. A woman (or man) must respect themselves enough to set and maintain boundaries once they have been put in motion. If a relationship is over; the sexual aspect must end as well. You only cheat yourself trying to hold on to something dead with your body. It won’t make that person want to be a better parent. Similarly, if your ex has, in fact; matured and is trying to move forward in a relationship with someone new; it is only to the benefit of your children with that person that you maintain a respectful boundary. Trying to run interference will only make you look bitter and desperate.
We must learn the science behind when to close the box (in Angela's case) and when to keep the box open for potential lessons (In Fife's case).
Things run much more smoothly when the children are the focus after breakups, and not our own selfish needs.