Thursday, October 15, 2009

Contracts Finale :-)

This is the end of this series on how I was saved; but truly not the end of the story He is telling with my life. My purpose is limitless, and I am sooo excited.

He has given me clarity; my eyes see with an open perspective. I see how I helped the Enemy contribute to my own personal Hell. I see how I had no love in my heart; therefore I could not see the ways I lacked goodness in my relationships with my family; professionally; and with my friends.

I am and always have been a sucker for a good love story. ;-)

The fruits of the spirit are all formed in and for LOVE...

Galatians 5:22-23 says...The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control.

It is amazing that He has brought me this peace in my heart. I am not afraid to fall asleep and I wake with so much fervor for what He will have in store for me. That is love...

I can't stop smiling... I have forgotten all about my Zoloft prescription. I feel unspeakable joy at all the blessings He has favoured me with just for loving Him and putting Him first in my life! In two weeks, a much needed escrow check, a job!, a phone call from my dad...He allowed me to see how abundant my friendship ties are. That is love...

...That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings..."Phil 3:10 ...Not our flesh induced suffering; which is mostly self inflicted through our ability to sin...but the natural suffering that comes with life; that which builds character. I can look back on my mothers lifelong battle with sickle cell anemia and rejoice: that she loved God everyday of her life despite her pain. He is so good, He truly allows ALL things to work together! Now I feel what my mom meant. She was free. I can think of her and smile now. This that I have been through has also served a greater purpose so I am no longer regretful...That is love...

I have been unkind through my selfishness; through pride and bitterness. Four years back my biological father was delivered from a fifteen year crack cocaine and heroin addiction that prohibited his involvement in my upbringing. Instead of rejoicing in his recovery and being thankful that I was able to have a father in my life, I was bitter and unkind when he reached out to me. I was so unbelievably mean. Once, I recall yelling at him for trying to go and visit my mothers grave. Though they never divorced, I had some strange twisted idea that he had no right to her, that he hadn't come to her funeral, that he wasn't there for me, so he should stay away from her grave site. I was disrespectful and filled with hate for him. No apology was large enough. I mistreated that man; holding him responsible for how unhappy I had been in his absence. I didn't know forgiveness. But God had already shown it to him. Because when I had no one else to turn to...who do you think was there? That's right. Without one word of resentment, my dad. That's love...

No longer is my motivation for being a "nice person" fueled by a desire to be accepted; or a fear of rejection. I witnessed such enormous GOOD in Winter, Bree, Lesa, Nakia, Kenya, Tone, My Dad...when I thought I was all alone these guys showed me what goodness and love comes from true friends. I am thankful I was able to witness what true friendship looks like. He placed these souls in my life at that time of darkness to remind me what goodness looks like. I have big shoes to fill. :-)

Self Control:
I have always lacked the ability to control my emotions. If it seemed to make me feel better: I did it. Whether it was drinking, or idleness, or gossiping, or sex... I did what I wanted with no restraint. And for my efforts, I have been imprisoned to these false idols that filled my heart. But they were empty calories. Now, because I love Him, He has blessed me with conviction for my wrongdoing, so that I will always think of Him first and remember to live according to His word. I cannot sit idle while my house is disorganized, self control helps me to keep a budget and not to overspend to fill a void in my heart. In all these ways my heart was opened, and it overfilled with an indescribable bliss, that sustains....SUBSTANCE.

My friends say I sound different. My husband says so, too. The first few days of my new faith, he was skeptical, to say the least. He was almost laughing at my open acceptance of Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. He asked if I was going to be a "stuffy church lady" now. I smiled. A week later, he was in Bible Study with me, holding my hand and whispering to me how much he never wants to leave me again.... :-)

FYI: Things between the mister and I are much, much better. We have a date night and we pray together every morning. We no longer need to pervert our union to be whole and that is better than anything I have ever known.


I know what went wrong before with The Love Dare... it was unsuccessful for me... because I was solely motivated by self. I only wanted to know what I got out of the deal when it came to His Word. But truly, why should He ordain and bless what was entered into... with no regard for Him? What is the point in what we called a "marriage" if we are not a united force for His purpose in our lives?

I repented for my selfish motives for wanting to save my marriage. They included but were not limited to: Fear of being a stereotype. Fear of financial burdens. Fear of being alone....

I was never alone.

Today is Day Seven of The Love Dare. So I must close this. I have work to do :-) I hope if you continued to read thus far, you have been inspired in some way to have a personal relationship with Our Savior. God Bless you all!

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